1.28.2009
Unforgivable Mistakes...
Would you forgive unfaithfulness?
Would it be possible for you to be happy knowing that the person whom you have never been unfaithful to,
The one who is supposed to love you and share those special moments just with you, didn’t care and failed you?
Would you trust this person again?
Do you think the anger, the jealousy, and the disappointment you feel now would let you be happy with this person again?
Do you think there is a valid reason for this person to be unfaithful to you?
Do you think it would be worthy to forgive and to forget?
Would you forget?
The truth is, when we cheat we jeopardize a lot of things that we shouldn’t risk for just a moment of fun. If that is the case then,
Where was the love that person was supposed to feel for you?
On the other hand, if it wasn't just for fun then we have more reason not to forgive. In my opinion, when a relationship is darkened by the cloud of unfaithfulness there is nothing else to look for.
We should turn the page and close that chapter of our lives. It's not worth forgiving someone who disrespected you that way, someone who hurt you and what is even worse, someone who didn’t think about you and the possibility of losing you.
Life is too short, give yourself the opportunity to find someone who is really willing to live for you. Someone who respects you and with whom you can live a pure love without anything that will ruin it. It is better to be alone than with the wrong person.
Editor's Note
- Initially, there were about seven writers invited to this tester version of a blog. Only members can write, and only about four of the seven, on a great day contribute on a semi-regular basis.
- In response, there will be another group of writers invited--writers who I think would contribute.
- The blog will stay available to view, but if/when these additional writers do contribute, I will close it completely to members only until we're ready to proceed to the next level.
- However, even while it is closed, there will be an influx of writers invited periodically, the more people who are invited translate to people who write more--easily overriding those who don't.
- Lastly, if you might know anyone interested--don't hesitate to get their e-mail addresses and have them invited.
- Additionally, anyone is free to post/e-mail their own questions, inviting a response as well.
- Usually, the writer who poses the question should stay out of answering it, but if need be--whether no one else answered to it, or the question is just that intriguing--by all means.
1.27.2009
There is nothing...
The rush you get when you meet someone who shares all your interest.
Someone who finishes your sentences,
Someone who, while you speak, speaks over you and ends up saying the same thing you were going to say.
The butterflies you feel when the phone rings and you see their name across the screen.
When you get that phone call and instead of hearing "hi"
you hear "I miss you babe how was your day"
When no matter how busy their day is they take 2 minutes to call and ask about YOUR day.
How you blush and get shy when you speak to your friends about them.
The rush you get when they call to say they are on their way
The feeling you get when they call to say they are outside
The feeling you then get when you walk up to them and one simple tap kiss feels like you are in heaven.
When the simple things make you feel like you are flying.
Like just roaming the city holding hands,
Sitting on a bench in a park not saying a word to each other
Going to the movies and not even watching the movie
Receiving a bouquet of pink roses because he knows they are your favorite without you ever telling him they were your favorite.
Just knowing that he listens to every word you say even when you think he isn't paying attention and then he agrees and says "yes babe because..." (and repeats everything you just said word for word.)
And just the feeling of being in love..
Finally moving on..
has began tO melt.
my life didNt begin wiTh him
and it definateLy dOesn't end without him.
its not easy putting yourself out there but iVe decidEd i will tell mY own stOry.
as most of yoU know by now yes i was hurt.
however im over thAt part of my life.
im oN a new journeY and as i said subconciously iM trying tO find something,
im looking foR somEthing,
i dont know what yet ,
but i know i dont have it,
so im on the path of getting it.
there is nothing better than embracing your life and saying goodbye to what held you back all this time.
i have lots of plans for this year.
im glad he is out of my life..
(there is a message in the capital letters) ;-)
Is Fear Stronger Than Love?
Inspired by my sister, I read the wall,
And the closet said "fear is stronger than love."
I took it in...a deep breath...gazed at the wall
the gaze turned into a stare...a still, statue-like stare
A blank stare capable of freezing you...a daydream...a revelation
Fear is stronger than love...
Is that how you prefer it?
Is that just the way it is?
Or is it a choice?
Are you afraid to love because you're afraid of heartbreak and heartache?
Is your fear of failure stronger than your desire to love?
You fear the dark, you fear heights, you fear what you don't understand--you fear being misunderstood, you fear...fear--but you don't fear being feared--
That's power...that's another story.
You love innocence, you love nature, you love growth--progression...you love success--money, sex, drugs, music--they're all the same.
The pleasure they give you--the high--it's all the same...love is love, right?
Is fear just a characteristic, a trait of the weak? And love, of the passionate, of the creative?
Or are they just instinct? Human nature.
Nowadays, they want you to fear everything in the name of caution and awareness. But of course, you can fear and love simultaneously--they're cut from the same cloth.
Left arm, right arm--they're both arms--both part of the torso...
both with the same functions, same core values...identical.
Love is fear overcome
Fear is love undone...
love never there
Or is--was it? And you didn't know, you passed it by--let it pass you...because of fear
You don't love fear--you fear love...
I'm awake
Alone
I’m alone…
And I like it.
I enjoy the peace of mind, there’s nothing like it
Conversations with my shoes—they do most of the talkin
The dialogue you can hear, at least
But the convos are far better with my mind
The talks that she and I have can only be achieved…when I’m alone.
I’m alone…
And I wouldn’t have it any other way
But it’s not like a have a choice, I’m alone every day—
Every night
Walking under the street lights, dazing into the eyes of the moon—
I hope she comes back to me soon
But until then, I’m alone—there’s not much I can do
Try to get around to get my mind off of you
But that doesn’t do much—they’re not quite my style
I don’t get down
the way they get down
And so I’m alone
And I miss you dearly
They say that space is good, but they overlooked this…
Clearly
I’m an independent man, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need you
Because the fact is that I do, you have consumed me
I used to breathe you, bleed you, sleep you…eat you
I miss those days, those nights are far out of reach now
Now I can only enjoy you temporarily for a time here—a time there…
It isn’t quite fair, but these are the sacrifices we make…
We’re too much alike—not enough sense of urgency,
Because we both have a firm grip on life…
We both know what it takes to make it work,
And so we do it
No questions asked, barely any second thoughts
You know I gotta work, I know you gotta work
And so we understand…and maybe that’s the problem
When does sacrifice become an excuse?
When is enough, enough and we refuse to take the abuse?
Everyone has needs, and I hope you’re not playing me…
Playing with mine
Heartbroken I will be,
Heartless even, maybe
Adjustments made, plans out the window,
But at least I won’t have to start from scratch because I know how it feels
To be alone
When it’s as cold inside as it is out
And there’s no one to hold on to for warmth
Except yourself…
Self-reliance is my name, and maybe you were just a crutch
Because
Now you’re just a convenience, I don’t need you all that much
And I know you feel the same, so we see each other when we can
Not because we’re dangerously in love anymore
We’re not 12-years-old anymore
Grow up
But really the only way to do that
The only way you know you’ve made it
Is when you look around and see no one there…
And smile to the air.
1.22.2009
LET'S GET PERSONAL: A little about me..
I dont even think my closest friends, mom, sis and my cousin, get me MOST of the time. "Its like they hear what I am saying but they're not feeling my words or my pain". I am like a puzzle that cant be put together.
I am the kind of person that just shuts off and shuts down instantly. It's like I will hold on and deal and then when the day finally comes, even I dont see it.. it just becomes what it is.
Some people never change and then others are always evolving...
Some people want the simple things and others are aiming for the grand prize.
Some are content with where they stand and others keep finding ways to get to the next thing.
I used to be the girl that lived for the moment. I never EVER cared about what people said, or even thought about me. I never gave away my heart, I always played with hearts. I was never the girl to take anything or anyone too seriously.
I think back and remember the days when i was wanted by many and i played with many hearts and minds. Until one comes along and drags you off your feet (yes not sweep you off your feet) and your whole life changes. For the worse.. it's rearly ever for the good.
I remember clubbing almost every weekend just to forget about the problems... countless times in VIP, endless pictures online so "they" can see that I'm doing just fine..
and that had been my life for awhile..
there comes a point where you finally just want to stop.
I lived the party girls life and im content with saying no more to that.
The only part I miss is the dress up part LOL
I dont regret anything... I am actually happy I got to be crazy for a while.
And yeah, every now and then I might decide to step out and remind everyone how I'm not an old lady LOL..
but my mind is somewhere else now.. subconciously im finding something, looking for something..
I don't know what yet..
1.21.2009
Life is all about struggles & finding the way to cope them
Be somebody’s role model, not anybody's disappointment!!!!
Love, a thousand questions with no answers!!!!!!!
Why if it is the best feeling in the world, sometimes it makes us feel the worst?
Why if we want to live to love and to be loved, sometimes because of love we will like to die and even to kill?
Why if love makes us see birds and butterflies everywhere, sometimes it turns us into monsters?
Why if love can make us be so sweet, it can also make us be so bitter?
And why if love makes us suffer so much, we want to fall in love all over again?
Why, why, why?????
Finally, it is better to fall in love or out of love?
It's this or that.. which one is it?
If you tell me that there isn't any love
then with pain in my heart I shall walk away.
If later you realize that in fact you do love me
but your pride pushes me away
than honor your heart.
If destiny makes you regret the decision and you go back on your word
I refuse to accept an apology.
Swear that you have completely forgotten my love
Knowing that in an instant you get a flashback of how much I meant to you
If this taunting and teasing is what I deserve
please God help me
I know that I'm to blame
All I wanted to do was love him
But I failed in love.
If I'm crazy to think that you would still love me
please lie to me
and do it shamelessly
I prefer that you would lie to me
than to be sincere
don't ruin my illusion..
1.19.2009
Yes We Did! (Vote for Him Because He’s Black) President-elect Obama would have won, anyway…
That’s just silly.
Have they forgotten what kind of situation the United States is in?
Have they forgotten that we are in the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression?
Have they forgotten that we are STILL involved in an unjust war—which is the cause for several thousands of lives lost worldwide?
Have they forgotten that much of these consequences that are punishing the lives of plenty of families around the nation and world, are in large part due to our 43rd President of the United States of America?
Frankly, our situation is so bad, and our need for change so necessary, Elmer Fudd, would have won the election over Senator John McCain (R-AZ).
Have they forgotten that up until October, when Sen. McCain tried to disperse of his support and relationship with President Bush, he was a big-time partner of his, and should also be held partially responsible for leading into this crisis which was almost beyond repair?
‘Almost’ beyond repair would have evolved to 'certainly' beyond repair, had there been a different result on Nov. 4, 2008.
Luckily for us, the majority of voters (over seven-million of them) decided to look beyond President Obama’s ethnicity and his apparent partnership with the Blacks, and make the right choice for the good of the country we all love.
This probably could not have happened in any other country with the same history or past as the U.S., and we should all be thankful.
On a personal note, I never thought that I would live to see the day that a Black man was in the Oval Office as the Commander-In-Chief.
And if I did, I most definitely expected a different set of conditions.
I would have expected to see a completely unified country that elected the man based on who he is, what he can do for the country, and what he stands for—not race.
Maybe those expectations are a bit naïve.
Leading up to the election, I occasionally flipped through different news channels to get varying perspectives on what was about to go down.
SIDE NOTE: It’s important to realize that news corporations do have opinions.
They can try to stay “objective” but that’s nothing more than a mission. What’s objective to them can be complete bias and nonsense to you and I, because perception is reality.
Anyway, I stopped by Fox News, and it seemed like my timing was perfect.
I don’t remember her name—she wasn’t part of the staff, she was a guest. She said, “95 percent of them will vote for him just because he’s black.”
On CNN, during their coverage leading up to Election Day, a woman was on “The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer.” She was an advent supporter of Hillary Clinton, but when the Senator from New York didn’t win the democratic nomination, she supported the McCain-Palin ticket.
Regarding policies and almost everything they stand for, Clinton and McCain-Palin (especially Palin) are staunch opposites. In fact, with the exception that Palin is a woman, they are different in almost every way possible.
Her reasoning? Because she doesn’t trust our current President-elect.
Meanwhile, it was absolutely fine for her to say that she supported Hillary or even Palin because they’re women, and it’s a great symbol for women.
Excuse me miss, I forgot your name, but are you implying that Mr. Obama doesn’t represent a symbol of PROGRESS in America in the most extreme way possible?
Is that a good reason for Blacks to vote from him?
I digress.
Not to mention, so-called experts like Pat Buchanan, Bill O’Reilly, and Howard Stern, all known for their anti-urban/plain out racist remarks, all accuse Obama of close affiliation with domestic terrorism, and that’s just the beginning.
When our next President made his democratic-nominee acceptance speech, he gave a pound (hand shake, but with a closed fist) to his wife…it was labeled as a “terrorist fist bump” by one Fox News contributor. It is probably one of the best sound-bites ever. She even brought in a "body language expert!"
It seems like they all forgot simple statistics. In recent history, approximately 93 percent of Blacks vote for democrats—it’s that simple.
In fact, ever since FDR and the Civil Rights Era, blacks and democrats have gone together like peas and carrots.
It’s like they didn’t get the memo about what most right-wing stood for back then and still stand for now: abolishing particular economic and educational laws and programs that DIRECTLY affect blacks, other minorities, and people living in lower-income neighborhoods.
Affirmative action, welfare and other government assistance, and many other institutional actions in place made to benefit people who aren’t as privileged as they might be. Not everyone is born with a silver spoon. Sometimes we need assistance, a push, a mentor, and some sense of direction.
It’s also worth noting those who voted AGAINST Obama because he’s black, which were plenty. A few months ago, I was watching a video online and a middle-aged woman who seemingly lived in a rural community said that she doesn’t want Obama to win because she fears that “the Blacks will take over.” But we didn’t hear too much about that.
According to the 2005 US Census, Blacks only make up approximately 17 percent of the US population. Factor in babies and people who aren’t of voting age--how much of a difference does that really make?
I wanted validation that I wasn’t crazy, so I asked two college students and a 17-year-old who is politically involved about their perspectives.
Felicia, the 17-year-old said that they eyes of those who didn’t vote for Obama because of his race “are still shut. They don’t see that the world needs to change.” I asked her why she would have voted for Obama she added, that he gives hope to the urban youth and shows them that anything is possible.
Wendell Peterson, a Master’s Degree candidate at a university in upstate New York, said that he doesn’t see a problem with voting for a candidate based on race, the problem is ignorant votes. “Some people nowadays are not educated enough and are uninformed.”
Rokim Robinson, a 21-year-old Graduate student said, “Implying that blacks voted for Obama just because he’s black is implying that Blacks never voted before. Over 90 percent of Blacks are Democrats.” Robinson said that he isn’t surprised that people didn’t vote for him based on race, citing that there is still plenty of institutional and “under-the-radar” racism in America.
But opponents are persistent. As of Dec. 7, according to the Baltimore Sun, two lawyers, one from Pennsylvania, Philip Berg, and another from New Jersey, Leo C. Donofrio, “are pursuing lawsuits asserting that President-elect Barack Obama is ineligible to hold the office of president because he is not a "natural born citizen." Their claims were rejected in lower courts, but they have filed motions and appeals at the U.S. Supreme Court.”
Lawyers are supposed to be the smart ones! Do you see what desperation does!? For anyone to really be declared a “natural born citizen,” he or she has to be of Native American descent.
Whites have descended from Europe, and 99 percent of the population descend from all over the world—not the USA. That honor belongs to Native Americans.
But something tells me that that isn’t what they’re implying.
1.15.2009
No Expectations for NOTORIOUS
It's not that I'm a cynic, it's just the fact that I believe that there is always room for improvement. But that does not mean that I am never satisfied.
There is nothing more satisfying than a good book, or a good flick--Jack Nicholson, Anthony Hopkins, Denzel Washington, and Spike Lee never seem to fail me, to the point of where my expectations are high whenever they bless the screen.
Movies that are biographical bore me--most of us fans know the story without the movie, so the movie is just a waste of time. But this wasn't the case in American Gangster, but that was rare--let me shorten this--I have no expectations for NOTORIOUS--which comes out tomorrow, 1/16.
American Gangster was biographical of Frank Lucas and the short lived Lucas Crime Family. Anyone can do research and know the story, but the movie--the movie was something different.
The performances by Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, and especially Ruby Dee (Mama Lucas) were outstanding. And the language--the way that it was written--was phenomenal. It hit hard, had a great build--ideal, to say the least.
I was excited for American Gangster--gangster movies are the best kind--they always keep you on your toes, and there is no 'good guy-bad guy' typical theme--in most gangster films the so-called good guys wind up crooked and just as bad as the rest of us--a true reflection of real life.
But enough about that--I'm not as excited for NOTORIOUS, I'm not sure if I'm excited at all--which is why I'll be the film's biggest fan if it is indeed a modern marvel.
A lot of fans and some pundits are hyping it up, one artist even said that he sees it doing $50 M opening weekend. We all (well, most of us) know Biggie's story, and it is compelling--which makes the acting, writing, and delivery much more prominent.
With that, I have no expectations of the film--I'll just wait to see it...and I refuse to see it on opening weekend--I know better than that. Theatres will be mayhem, I anticipate fights and a bunch of rowdiness, so I'll just wait to go on a secluded rainy morning or something like that.
To close, I brought this up to some of my friends--the way that they are advertising the movie is great, it's ideal and they're doing everything right. On a personal note, they're doing such a good job, that people are screaming that BIG was/is the greatest rapper of all time--wait--the greatest rapper of all time?
I'm as objective as they come, I don't think that I have a bias, but if I do, I wouldn't mind being called on it, but there is no way that BIG is the G.O.A.T.. As aforementioned, his impact and influence cannot be denied, and we pay homage, and we'll all pay homage and remember him for as long as music exists, but the greatest of all time?
No.
Impact and influence don't translate to being the GOAT--Jackie Robinson was arguably the most influential athlete, but does that make him the GOAT? No, Willie Mays is still better.
He came out with two albums, and unfortunately we would never know how his career would have progressed if he were still here, so we can't FAIRLY call him the GOAT. I can name one other Brooklynite and two other rappers who I would put above him without any second thoughts.
He put the east coast back on the map and influenced every NY rapper in the game after or during his era. I pay homage, but I'm not fooled by the hype and the absurd.
Go see NOTORIOUS
You never last forever
I know you don't exist
Stop asking me to let you in
Stop trying to make me feel you
I don't want you anymore
You hurt me too many times
Why everytime I find you
You always leave?
So don't come back if it's temporary
I will let you in if you promise to stay forever
But it's never forever with you
You only stay for a few months
So love...don't come back
I don't believe in you anymore
Now, the story has ended.
1.14.2009
Who will ever know
But she smiles with deep pride
They don't know, what she feels inside
They try to make her open her eyes
Her heart has froze
She still loves him though
Her soul turned cold
And she doesn't know
Will she love again
Or stay alone
They will never know
They will never know
She will never let it show
As she continues to smile with deep pride
No one.
Will.
Ever.
Know.
What lies...behind her eyes.
I don't know what to name this, pt. 1
I, as the rest of you, creatively write. Some things just come to me, some things I take from someone's life (or my own) and expand it to the point of which you can't trace it back. For this one, I don't know...I don't know what to name it, so help me out.
As you read, you will come to find out that there is dialogue between one and a group of people, students. You will also find that there is flashback. The first character, and the one who does most of the talking, is seemingly a teacher lecturing students. Enjoy, and help me out! I am horrible with titles! Read:
I ate a slice of bread this afternoon.
That was my breakfast. I didn’t even have bottled water to go with it, so I drank out of the faucet.
I guzzled the last of the cranberry juice in the fridge this morning when the landlord came and told me I had until the end of the weekend to get out.
In case he wanted to have an in-depth conversation, I’d rather have cranberry juice on my breath than the smell of the morning.
This was life. Everything was fine at the beginning of the month. I was working at a steady rate, paying my bills on time—everything was carrying on the way it was supposed to.
And then I graduated. That’s when life started to smell like the piss and vomit that are the cologne and shower gel of the homeless.
I make that reference because I might be their roommates soon.
Everyone makes a big deal when you graduate—and I guess for some, it is a big deal. And it is a big deal—just in different ways.
The typical college student has a minimal amount of academic-related debt when they graduate. Their parents usually pay their way through school, and some might even pay their loans as a graduation gift.
The typical student is privileged—they are taught that they can have whatever they want, and their parents bring them up that way—privileged and spoiled.
They could fail out of school and still land a well-paying job, just because of the profile that daddy has, or the fact that mommy has connections.
More power to them—that’s fine.
But there’s problem when they don’t notice, as a whole—family and all—what they have. The fact that they’re privileged—they’re blind to it. The realization that they have a head start—a huge one, over us, is a myth to them. It’s just normal life to them.
Work hard, get rewarded—is that the way it goes? Sure…in theory. But in practice…not so much. Barriers, unspoken requirements, profiling, and the many other pounds of the locks and chains post-getting out of the locks and chains that were 200 years ago, are still prevalent.
And they’re the same ones to complain…about how their life sucks because they didn’t get the dog that they wanted, or they couldn’t find the hair gel or the eye makeup that they saw in the latest edition of Cosmo.
I oughta slap the shit out of you. How insulting could you be? But you don’t even do you? And your air-headed ass wonders why there’s still tension.
Look around you…really look—analyze, outside of your farm, outside of the mall, outside of the coupe—look.
It’s a different world out here, ladies and gents—and you need to take notice.
Mothafuckas will kill you—just to get that purse or that necklace, and sell it, so that they could get that loaf of bread. Some dude just last week on the corner of Plainfield and Liberty killed a dude for his wallet—the reason?
He needed diapers for his newborn son.
I remember sitting in the dining halls and eating nasty ass school lunch everyday, and the processed frozen food dinners every night in college, while some people had their gourmet meals—or a Wendy’s hamburger.
Everyday, I just wanted to slap their tray out of their hands, so that their food and drink would hit the floor—so I could pick it up…and eat it.
But I held on…I knew better days were coming for me—darkness before the dawn right? Sure, only for those who really want it…
The difference between Booker T. Washington and W.E.B. Dubois is that Washington wanted us to conform to the system—to settle, to just do what our so-called masters told us to do, and eventually we would progress. Progression through conformity—that’s not taking charge.
On the other hand, Dubois wanted us to create our own shit. To support our own folk—and not conform, why make money for the same people who deprive us (I didn’t use the word ‘deprive’ in its past tense for a reason) of every single liberty that we are entitled to?
Instead, Dubois put his money on the Talented Tenth—the theory that one in 10 black men would become leaders of the world through continuing their education, writing and publishing books, and becoming directly involved in social change, which included establishing black institutions to train and lead black people.
That was the early 1900s—and we could still cling to his theory.
This isn’t a testament or a question of how far we have come through over a century, but a celebration of the fact that W.E.B. Dubois was so far ahead of his time, like Shakespeare was. But he’s painted as a villain who turned his back on country and fled.
Shit…if I had the money—I’d flee, too. Nonetheless, students, Dubois preached in layman’s terms, that in order to progress—you have to take it.
Grab progress by the horns, because as the rest of the bull’s body moves, the horns stay still.
Grab the horns, look it in the eye—and take it down—it’s like a social rodeo.
There will always be the elite—and we have to invest in our elite, and convince them to help us—to invest in us.
He later said that leadership could arise from any level and that social change should happen on every level, and we shouldn’t only depend on the elite.
Dual consciousness—and not that sociological bullshit that they try to teach you, about how it involves one person with two inconsistent trains of thought—is what needs to be really understood by every human on the planet.
We have to not only understand, but EMBRACE how we are seen by other people. How blacks are seen by whites, how whites are seen by blacks, how Latinos, Asians, and everyone else, are seen by each other. We have to read into it—we have to understand and embrace it—and act accordingly—or you won’t last long.
Now, of course there are exceptions—but let’s not get our heads too far up our own asses.
1.13.2009
NY Writing Opportunities via Craigslist.org
For those of you interested, here are a few intriguing writing/editing possibilities in-and-around the NYC area, as found on Craiglist.org.
- Contract job w/ Dream Maker Films
- Publishing internship with Skyhorse Publishing
- Havenhurst Books are looking for authors
- A relationships coach is looking for a writer
- A literacy agency is looking for a publishing intern
Keep your eyes opened for more opportunities.
Editor's Note
We're a little limited as far as progression of the actual site is concerned while being on blogger. As you should know, we have every intention of obtaining our own domain as we grow, but don't worry about that now.
What we should be thinking about is ways that we can improve the site. On the right side of the page, are several helpful tools including a thesaurus, a subscription link to receive RSS feeds, and favorite sites toward the bottom.
The sites listed now are all writing sites that, aside from celebrating different concentrations of writing, also take applications to write for them and maybe earn a little side cash, upon acceptance. If you would like to add to the sites, don't hesitate to let me know in the comment box.
Additionally, upon potential growth, it crossed my mind to add a "Pick of the Week" that will feature the best piece of work according to our peers. There are two ways that this can happen:
- Through a poll conducted on the blog -OR-
- A piece chosen by the editor
Thanks.
Dear Warmth
Where have you gone?
I miss you daily.
I reminisce about feeling you at dawn...
comfort...a lost cause now.
You left me...
stranded, naked, disdain.
Please don't misunderstand me, it's not that I can't survive...
Because baby, I'm alive.
I have to be...to be able to feel this pain...
Warmth how can you be so vain?
To come and go as you please...
Disregard everyone, only fulfill YOUR needs.
I was on my knees...
Warmth, I thought I needed you more than ever.
This was not a one-night stand, not a sexual endeavor...
when we cuddle, I take in your scent
smelled like forever.
At least that's what I thought...
now you're nothing more than a thought...
Just leave...
Warmth, just leave me alone!
Why can't I leave you alone...
distance got me thinking...it's not the same on the phone.
You're out of reach now...
far removed from my fingertips...
far removed from my lips...
far removed from my kiss...
it wasn't supposed to end like this...
Dear Warmth, I don't need you anymore.
Mr. Purple is not a poet.
Nowhere
1.12.2009
When will it all be over?
Ugh. I don't know how many times the story needs to be repeated for me to finally understand and get the point.
I'm sad and I feel like crying, I'm angry, too, but at the same time a million thoughts are running through my mind at full speed.
Every time I start giving the benefit of the doubt and ASSUME things can possibly get better...because we never know what the future holds, I just get taken back and slapped in the face with reality.
You are a father to be--probably one of the hardest news that I ever had to deal with.
The fact that you got married was hard enough, but I always told myself, "there's always divorce."
But now?...Now you are gonna be a father! A commitment that lasts a lifetime.
And not saying that we we're gonna ever get back together, but we never knew what the future held. But now? Now there is no chance at all.
I refuse to let you keep hurting me. What I don't understand is why you keep coming around? Why you keep looking for me?
Is it guilt?
Are you trying to smooth your way into telling me yourself?
I don't know what you want from me. I found out on my own and you have no idea I know yet.
But I'm waiting for your call because I'm officially done with this whole situation, that you have once again dragged me into after I was doing great moving on and forgetting all about you.
I was very much happy but then I found myself coming back to this...it's hurting and killing me because now the both of you will be attached forever.
I guess it's time for me to let it go and move on.
No matter how much I decided not to accept it.
Maybe I've been getting signs that I refuse to accept, but for some reason the signs keep getting worse. This is more like a slap in the face.
This is going to take me some time...maybe a lot of time.
(sigh) I don't know what to think anymore.
I keep holding my tears back as I sit here and reminisce. Trying to figure out why we never worked.
We lived together and I was practically your wife. You never decided to propose to me, let alone marry me. We spoke about having children a million times and tried and tried.
I guess it wasn't meant to be or meant for me. No matter how much we tried, I couldn't get pregnant.
Those that know me, know how I feel about having kids. It's a big deal to me. I want lots of kids. Now the fact that you are having them with her...well how should I feel?..
Mrz Endy