You will find that guy who is gonna change your life Just wait and see, true love is waiting out there for you.
The words he speaks will melt your heart away His touches will give you goosebumps The scent of his cologne will drive you insane You will hold him and never let go
When it's cloudy, you will see sunshine When it's freezing, you will feel warmth When it rains, you won't use an umbrella
Nothing will matter when you are in his presence, In his arms, In his strong embrace..
Nothing will come between you two when all you have is love everything else is extra..
Five states, a million hours later... Determined, anxious, nervous and excited. Negative two degrees, Wind blowing snow all over the place in my eyes and on my face. You can actually hear the tree branches slowly snapping off. That cold frozen feeling that feels like your face is getting cut open.
Walking as fast as I could.. actually almost running to this little cabin house I see a little further up the road. Twenty minutes later.. Body completely numb I make it to the cabin only to be told "sorry no visits today."
A blank stare on my face No emotion No response No movement what so ever for about a minute
Then the tears I started crying and screaming threw myself on the floor and just wanted to die. I'm freezing cold Been traveling for the past 10 hours It is now 7am and I left new York at 8pm yesterday!
I felt helpless... Didn't know what to do.
I just wanted him to know I was here Just slip him a note at least if possible Just to say, "Hey I was here I came ... I'm sorry they didn't let me see you I love you Can't wait to see you I'm slowly dying without you! I just wanna see your beautiful brown eyes Your smile Hear you laugh That laugh that let's me know everything will be and is okay!"
I cried all my makeup clean off my face. Got myself together and picked myself up off that cold floor.
A older man comes up to me and says "Hi pretty lady, I'm sorry for the mix up in the visiting dates, but right up the block is a bus stop, the bus will be here in about 10 minutes and will take you back to New York."
I get on the bus and walk towards the very last seat in the back of the bus. I remove my heavy coat, put my headphones on and get comfortable. It's going to be a long ride.
As I listen to R. Kelly "I Can't Sleep" I slowly doze off and dream about the day you finally come home...
There is nothing like... The rush you get when you meet someone who shares all your interest. Someone who finishes your sentences, Someone who, while you speak, speaks over you and ends up saying the same thing you were going to say. The butterflies you feel when the phone rings and you see their name across the screen. When you get that phone call and instead of hearing "hi" you hear "I miss you babe how was your day" When no matter how busy their day is they take 2 minutes to call and ask about YOUR day. How you blush and get shy when you speak to your friends about them. The rush you get when they call to say they are on their way The feeling you get when they call to say they are outside The feeling you then get when you walk up to them and one simple tap kiss feels like you are in heaven. When the simple things make you feel like you are flying. Like just roaming the city holding hands, Sitting on a bench in a park not saying a word to each other Going to the movies and not even watching the movie Receiving a bouquet of pink roses because he knows they are your favorite without you ever telling him they were your favorite.
Just knowing that he listens to every word you say even when you think he isn't paying attention and then he agrees and says "yes babe because..." (and repeats everything you just said word for word.)
Inspired by my sister, I read the wall, And the closet said "fear is stronger than love."
I took it in...a deep breath...gazed at the wall the gaze turned into a stare...a still, statue-like stare
A blank stare capable of freezing you...a daydream...a revelation
Fear is stronger than love...
Is that how you prefer it? Is that just the way it is?
Or is it a choice?
Are you afraid to love because you're afraid of heartbreak and heartache? Is your fear of failure stronger than your desire to love?
You fear the dark, you fear heights, you fear what you don't understand--you fear being misunderstood, you fear...fear--but you don't fear being feared--
That's power...that's another story.
You love innocence, you love nature, you love growth--progression...you love success--money, sex, drugs, music--they're all the same.
The pleasure they give you--the high--it's all the same...love is love, right?
Is fear just a characteristic, a trait of the weak? And love, of the passionate, of the creative?
Or are they just instinct? Human nature.
Nowadays, they want you to fear everything in the name of caution and awareness. But of course, you can fear and love simultaneously--they're cut from the same cloth.
Left arm, right arm--they're both arms--both part of the torso... both with the same functions, same core values...identical.
Love is fear overcome Fear is love undone... love never there
Or is--was it? And you didn't know, you passed it by--let it pass you...because of fear
Why if love is supposed to be so beautiful, sometimes it makes us feel so horrible? Why if it is the best feeling in the world, sometimes it makes us feel the worst? Why if we want to live to love and to be loved, sometimes because of love we will like to die and even to kill? Why if love makes us see birds and butterflies everywhere, sometimes it turns us into monsters? Why if love can make us be so sweet, it can also make us be so bitter? And why if love makes us suffer so much, we want to fall in love all over again?
Why, why, why?????
Finally, it is better to fall in love or out of love?
It kills her inside But she smiles with deep pride They don't know, what she feels inside They try to make her open her eyes
Her heart has froze She still loves him though Her soul turned cold And she doesn't know Will she love again Or stay alone
They will never know They will never know She will never let it show As she continues to smile with deep pride No one. Will. Ever. Know. What lies...behind her eyes.
No matter how many times I fall and hit my head on the rock I just DON'T learn.
Ugh. I don't know how many times the story needs to be repeated for me to finally understand and get the point.
I'm sad and I feel like crying, I'm angry, too, but at the same time a million thoughts are running through my mind at full speed.
Every time I start giving the benefit of the doubt and ASSUME things can possibly get better...because we never know what the future holds, I just get taken back and slapped in the face with reality.
You are a father to be--probably one of the hardest news that I ever had to deal with.
The fact that you got married was hard enough, but I always told myself, "there's always divorce."
But now?...Now you are gonna be a father! A commitment that lasts a lifetime.
And not saying that we we're gonna ever get back together, but we never knew what the future held. But now? Now there is no chance at all.
I refuse to let you keep hurting me. What I don't understand is why you keep coming around? Why you keep looking for me?
Is it guilt?
Are you trying to smooth your way into telling me yourself?
I don't know what you want from me. I found out on my own and you have no idea I know yet.
But I'm waiting for your call because I'm officially done with this whole situation, that you have once again dragged me into after I was doing great moving on and forgetting all about you.
I was very much happy but then I found myself coming back to this...it's hurting and killing me because now the both of you will be attached forever.
I guess it's time for me to let it go and move on.
No matter how much I decided not to accept it.
Maybe I've been getting signs that I refuse to accept, but for some reason the signs keep getting worse. This is more like a slap in the face.
This is going to take me some time...maybe a lot of time. (sigh) I don't know what to think anymore.
I keep holding my tears back as I sit here and reminisce. Trying to figure out why we never worked.
We lived together and I was practically your wife. You never decided to propose to me, let alone marry me. We spoke about having children a million times and tried and tried.
I guess it wasn't meant to be or meant for me. No matter how much we tried, I couldn't get pregnant.
Those that know me, know how I feel about having kids. It's a big deal to me. I want lots of kids. Now the fact that you are having them with her...well how should I feel?..
One of my biggest problems in life has been staying quiet and keeping things bottled in. I have always tried to hide my true feelings.
But for once I wanna tell you the truth. I know it's too late to speak out now and it probably won't mean anything, but it hurts to hold on just as much as it hurts to let go.
I have realized that some things we want in life are not always what's good for you. However, at times you find yourself running back to that same place when you least expect it.
We all know what's the one thing missing in my life. We have shared so many great times and memories together. But that's all they are now...memories.
One memory I can never forget is our cruise. We sat at the table drinking champagne and eating chocolates and you looked at me. Gave me this look...with shiny, gleamy eyes...a look that said it all.
We were both quiet, but that moment said soo much. I would give everything I have, just for you to look at me like that. Just one more time. That moment will always stay in my heart.
Much time has passed and so many things have happened, but for some reason I can't forget you or stop loving you. No matter how many times we have told each other "this is the last time you will hear from me," it never is the last time and we both know it never will be the last time.
For some reason, we still hold on to each other no matter what has gotten in between us--even the fact that you have gotten married. You still call me constantly, but it kills me everyday. I know nobody can tell you when you have had enough--nobody but yourself. However, I still wait for the day that you come back to me.
I don't think I will ever be comfortable getting serious with another person. You still hold my heart and I feel you always will.
I keep putting myself out there and I'm looking to love that person, but the one that I want keeps walking out on me. Since day one, back in May 2004, at that party when we had our first dance (that even until this day you tell me you remember the song we danced) I knew you were the one I would fall in love with, and I did.
I wish the past could be reversed.
I would do everything completely different!
It's a shame that when you have something good, you take it for granted. Now you have changed so much.
You were this great guy who everyone respected, but I think that you don't even know what you want in your life. Obviously you made your choice.
You married her, even though we shared wonderful years together and lived together, I was practically your wife. You never wanted to make that commitment with me. So why do you keep looking for me?
If I wasn't good enough to be your wife than why do you still want me in your life? I should have been left in the past when we parted ways.
We both know that in your heart, you are holding onto something much stronger that maybe your pride won't let you face...all I can say is I hope time will tell the truth...because you will never let me go...our hearts don't do what our mind tells it to.
Well Oh Well, Here I am Going Phishing Again
-
In the year since my novel *Finding Filomena*
was published, I’ve received far-too-many invitations from would-be book
and movie promoters, all of whom want...
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