The future always drags the past along..

One of my biggest problems in life has been staying quiet and keeping things bottled in.
I have always tried to hide my true feelings.

But for once I wanna tell you the truth. I know it's too late to speak out now and it probably won't mean anything, but it hurts to hold on just as much as it hurts to let go.

I have realized that some things we want in life are not always what's good for you. However, at times you find yourself running back to that same place when you least expect it.

We all know what's the one thing missing in my life. We have shared so many great times and memories together. But that's all they are now...memories.

One memory I can never forget is our cruise. We sat at the table drinking champagne and eating chocolates and you looked at me. Gave me this look...with shiny, gleamy eyes...a look that said it all.

We were both quiet, but that moment said soo much. I would give everything I have, just for you to look at me like that. Just one more time. That moment will always stay in my heart.

Much time has passed and so many things have happened, but for some reason I can't forget you or stop loving you. No matter how many times we have told each other "this is the last time you will hear from me," it never is the last time and we both know it never will be the last time.

For some reason, we still hold on to each other no matter what has gotten in between us--even the fact that you have gotten married. You still call me constantly, but it kills me everyday. I know nobody can tell you when you have had enough--nobody but yourself. However, I still wait for the day that you come back to me.

I don't think I will ever be comfortable getting serious with another person. You still hold my heart and I feel you always will.

I keep putting myself out there and I'm looking to love that person, but the one that I want keeps walking out on me. Since day one, back in May 2004, at that party when we had our first dance (that even until this day you tell me you remember the song we danced) I knew you were the one I would fall in love with, and I did.

I wish the past could be reversed.

I would do everything completely different!

It's a shame that when you have something good, you take it for granted. Now you have changed so much.

You were this great guy who everyone respected, but I think that you don't even know what you want in your life. Obviously you made your choice.

You married her, even though we shared wonderful years together and lived together, I was practically your wife. You never wanted to make that commitment with me. So why do you keep looking for me?

If I wasn't good enough to be your wife than why do you still want me in your life? I should have been left in the past when we parted ways.

We both know that in your heart, you are holding onto something much stronger that maybe your pride won't let you face...all I can say is I hope time will tell the truth...because you will never let me go...our hearts don't do what our mind tells it to.

Kisses,
Mrz Endy