The Amsterdam Repentance, Part 1

ONE

“Dear God,” he mumbled under his breath as the train whisked past the trees. It was autumn and they sported red-orange leaves – the type that showed the true beauty of nature, the type that he gazed at in true admiration, envious of their grace.

Every time before an expedition, he made the trek upstate to gather some supplies and to gain some sort of reconciliation as he prepared.

Internally, he was a fairly religious fellow – he knows that there’s a God, but he doesn’t take the Bible literally, and doesn’t feel like it should be interpreted as such. Externally, he looks like everyone else -- a fair-skinned man with a reasonable, or, depending on how you look at it, an unreasonable amount of facial scruff.

He wore his pair of immaculately polished black army boots to with his Military Service Uniform and badly craved a clove, to the point to where he was jittery — that was the only thing he was jittery about.

There was something about the uniform. Something that tricked regular folk in to tolerating corruption in its truest sense. It blinded people into believing that everything that soldiers do is for the good of Country. The good of Country is really an illusion, no one really obeys the Constitution and some of these commanding officers lead by example as they wipe their asses with it, just like every other criminal.

“Have mercy on me…I pray that justice always be served, and your will always done…”

He always spoke to God, He was like the only friend who listened to his problems and didn’t interrupt or offer any ‘better’ solution. But he wasn’t seeking solutions, just someone to vent to about the only thing that really had him vexed -- his love life.

Asking God for His forgiveness was a daily routine, he probably committed at least one sin everyday, but he never asked God for protection from his enemies…or his friends, who are always more likely to cause harm.

As a wise man, he understood that not even God could protect us from the insanity of humanity.

“They say that you’re a forgiving God…I pray that they are right…,” he mumbled.

The ticketmaster came around and collected the proofs from new passengers. The train car was suddenly occupied by a group of young girls, ranging from preteens to about 16 or 18 years. They were directed by an older woman with short, silver hair. She was at least 65 and wore an olive green v-neck sweater and blue denim jeans.

“I hope that you girls enjoyed yourselves and learned a lot. It was fun, but now it’s back to school tomorrow, young ladies,” the elder proclaimed. They countered with expected sighs and groans.

They spoke of morality -- shit like no sex until marriage and about how ‘inappropriate inter-gender activities’ were heavily banned and reprimanded. He silently scoffed.

He thought that you could tell people what or what not to do, but when it comes down to it, people will always obey what their bodies crave. People have told him and others to put those cigarettes down for years, but once that itch comes, you just have to scratch.

He entertained himself by thinking about how many of the girls will actually value those morals ten years down the line – five years down the line.

It seems that girls get faster and faster as times goes by – just like the newest technology, from cars to computers – everything. Speed = satisfaction – the faster it is, the more satisfied you will be. The faster she is, the more satisfied he will be, in one way or another.

But the boys aren’t much different, although there is an awful double standard.

Men applaud when their sons act lewdly – they encourage it – it is natural for men to act like beasts. Predators on the prowl for prey. Hunting…pouncing…hiding…attacking.

Denying them won’t deny them, men are naturally persistent. Men are like hungry lions willing to voyage across an isolated desert just for what they want to eat, not necessarily for what they need to.

But the argument that a lot of women make about how all men are the same is bullshit. Some men apply their natural beast mentality to other things besides women -- other goals besides sex and power.

Boys get more help at mastering the art of savagery than girls do. The father always takes the son hunting and leaves the girl at home with her mother – tamed and domesticated.

Ironically, the fathers are the very first ones to bitch and complain about their daughters when they want to break out to learn more about the world…and boys.

She wants to explore, to maybe even get in trouble. Girls are observant of how to get his attention and will usually do whatever it takes to keep it. And that’s what they’re taught to do – serve him, especially by these so-called God-fearing Christians -- people like the old woman in the train.

He knew this because he had children, Scotty and Joanna. That’s one of the reasons why he was on his way to Amsterdam – he hasn’t seen her since he and his wife separated about three years ago. She’s 17 now. Scotty is on a baseball scholarship at the University of Cincinnati, he’s 19.

They had a decent relationship, but it was a lot better before the separation. He was always a bit distant, especially as they grew older. Like most working Americans, his career ruled his life, and there wasn’t much he could do about it if they planned to eat.

They separated because he was never really there. He didn’t spend enough time with her, with them, as she wanted and especially when she needed him most. When her father passed, he went on a hunting trip up in Elmira.

Essentially, he just paid the bills, he might as well have just sent checks through the mail – they might as well separate. Women, especially today, have more needs – more demands, and if you don’t meet those standards, as Slim Jake found out, you will be replaced.

Adam Sylvester is the typical corporate business jackass, and pretty much nothing more than a dick for Flora to sit on. He practically lives at the house, but doesn’t pay for anything. Jake insisted to pay the bills – just to maintain some form of ownership, I reckon.

On the train, a pair of the girls shared headphones and danced to a song that whispered through the train car. They didn’t seem to know the words until apparently the chorus played. Bending their knees and jolting up and down, they screeched harmoniously,

“Boom boom boom boom, I want you in my room, Let's spend the night together, From now until forever… Boom boom boom boom, I want you in my room, Let's spend the night together, From now until forever… Boom boom boom boom, I want you in my room, Let's spend the night together, From now until forever…”

The lady squinted at them, her head angled -- favoring her strong side, “Only when you’re married, right girls?” she asked.

The young girls laughed – busted out laughing, almost as if they were mimicking her.

The elderly lady laughed, too, they laughed together – it was clear that the old woman didn’t believe what she preached, she couldn’t – she didn’t take it seriously, she couldn’t…something in her, in her mind, in her gut, had to let her know that her theological standards are delusional.

Maybe it was God.