Love Letter to "Blackness"

When did you first realize you were black?

Babies are born with such innocence that genius’ debate nurture vs. nature.

Sexuality is now being debated also, so when does a baby realize he or she is different from other babies?

If you are like myself , who grew up with lack of television and your whole world is black, when do you realize that there are other people in this world who look different?

My first time realizing that I was black came when my mother applied to become a permanent resident of the United States. The question related to our race and I wondered why that mattered; don’t get me wrong being black as a skin pigmentation was always of my knowledge but being black as a race came on that day.

Does your knowledge of race become prevalent the first time you encounter racism?

Being West Indian, black and white wasn’t a part of my training. When someone asked “what are you,” our first instinct was to say the Island we belonged to.

Now, when someone asked my sister, she says she is black.

What happened between us that I can relate to my culture where she resorts to her skin color? Black history month is an insult to me!

Being an Afro-Caribbean-American woman; this title to me means influences from every aspect of the title, I am insulted that the need to give our history a month is crazy. No other people have this, is this the only time it is acceptable to make children to learn about African-American history?

The idea that young African-American children live with today is that we have no culture or little culture may be linked to the fact that “our” history is celebrated on the shortest month of the year.

Giving our history a month is saying that we are different from everyone else. Black can sometimes be viewed as a hindrance, but to me it is the biggest part of my existence.

Love letter to "blackness"

Hiatus

I noticed that we all need it eventually. Without it, we would be like blind mice hoping to avoid mouse traps.

Take a step back -- a few days off, to reflect, embrace, or to get your mind right -- we all need it, and so I did it.

The hiatus makes you see things from a bird's eye view -- if you're an independent thinker. If not, you probably won't change -- won't adjust or adapt -- and there's no growth in that.

There are two kinds of people in this world, independent thinkers and dependent actors. And that's not an attempt to degrade anyone who might be the latter by labeling them fake in any way. The term 'actor' is meant to be a verb -- the actual action of doing -- not a noun -- an actor, fulfilling a imaginary role by assuming different facades.

Independent thinkers is self-explanatory I hope, people who think and act independently, almost objectively, and think the same way. But I'm not implying rebellion, not at all, just freedom -- but maybe they go hand in hand.

Independent thinkers -- those who think before they do, and only need approval of a chosen few. Think outside the box, and ultimately, they themselves determine what's best for them -- but that's open to debate.

For me, being an independent thinker is hard work -- almost overwhelming, but as necessary as anything else in other to really progress -- and that's about all I'm interested in. I'm never comfortable, I have an undeniable desire to progress, by any means.

The polar opposite would be the aforementioned dependent actor. The person who lets others makes decisions for him/her and just does it without too many questions -- it's sort of like settling without addressing anything.

They let someone or people decide how they live in almost every aspect of the word -- and they just act on it -- they seek their approval. Dependent actors don't make decisions for themselves because they don't want to make decisions for themselves -- maybe they feel like there's too much pressure, or maybe they're not strong or resilient enough, or maybe -- they just can't.

They are pawns, and as you can probably imagine, dependent actors cannot be trusted or depended on. Maybe they settle or maybe they just seek approval because they can't find it within themselves and so they act how they act -- to each's own. I'm not knocking it. Everyone's different, but this is just not for me.

I needed this hiatus -- most people do. Not necessarily to bring about change, sometimes to truly embrace or address a situation -- I did both. And maybe you'd be able to see differences in my style.

Clearly, the use of "I" a lot more. I strongly oppose getting too personal on a blog or writing about my life, pretty much, because to be honest -- who really wants to hear that shit? Not yet, at least -- that's later on.

The use of "I" is for me to include my opinions -- straying from my usually diplomatic nature. Opinions that are valuable and easy to relate to.

Another change of style is thematic writing. Everyday, there is a theme and I think too much to write all of my thoughts down, so the use of a theme every now and then will help organize my most important thoughts.

I'm still going to write how I usually write, be it creatively or some form of my fake poetry, I just needed a hiatus.

A hiatus to set me back on track and handle some other things -- an adjustment to set an adequate balance between writing and everything else -- but maybe, they too can go hand in hand.

Everyone should need a hiatus, everyone should use a hiatus -- more seldom then frequent, but it assures more clarity than yesterday. If you don't need a hiatus, you're a blind mouse -- how are you going to avoid the traps?

What's Love Have To Do With It...

Who said a man has the right to hit a woman? Do you know how sad it is for a woman to look at herself in the mirror and see her face or her body all full of bruises. As a man, how would you feel if the victim was your sister, your mother or your daughter?

Physical abuse is a reality that is affecting the life of many women nowadays. This reality rises a lot of questions that might have the wrong answers for the women that are victims of this problem.

Why is this happening to me?

The worse part of it is to think that it's her fault, but no matter what a man is physically stronger than a woman and she will always at a disadvantage. On the other hand, even if is the woman provokes the fight (provided he is in his five senses,not drunk, on drugs or anything like that) he should keep control over the situation and either walk away or try to stop the altercation with out hurting her.

Why do I continue taking this physical abuse? It is because of love, habit or fear?

The truth is you shouldn't love somebody who instead of loving you, respect and protect you is hurting you. Never let a situation turn into a habit. Remember after all, if you allow this to happen once, it's going to continue happening and if you have kids they will get the message that this situation is normal which in turn will create a cycle that will never end. Unfortunately, most of time women stay in this abusive relationships because of fear. If this is your case, seek help.

Start by preparing yourself mentally, analyze the situation and ask yourself:

1. Do I really love this person who is not only hurting me physically but also emotionally. (Don't forget that this abuse damages the person more internally than physically.)

2. What's coming after? Is my life or my kids life in danger? Is this the right environment in which I should raise my kids?

3. Picture your life before, during and possibly after the abuse.

4. If it's fear what's keeping you there, do your research with a best friend, a family member or an agency and get advice, protection and the help you need.

5. Finally, value and love yourself first before anybody, you deserve it. You don't deserve to live in this situation. Give yourself a new chance to start all over again with someone who loves you. Life is too short don't waste it and what's even worse don't lose it in an abusive relationship like this.

The Real World (not the show)

This is the real world…
This is the level that we find ourselves at--

A place where only the privileged get to do what they love…
The rest of us struggle to get there...

And settle for what pays right now…
Not in the long run…

We don’t have time for that…time is money…
So we hate our jobs.

Disgruntled employees living disgruntled lives--mostly because we’re disgruntled employees.

This is the level of which we live…
A level that changes everything.

I used to be pleasant, but who you are and how you see and perceive things
Change dramatically when your back is against the wall…

When you’re climbing the mountain—what seems like Everest with no harness…
No protection, no insurance.

Everything you knew, everything that used to bring you joy…gets unpleasantly thrown out the window…
With intentions to destroy, not preserve, reserve, or to save for later

And then I think about…it dawns on me that this perspective that I have—the awakening, if you will,
Is shared by millions just like me who are not give the fair shot, the proper opportunity and have no choice but to live with their backs against the wall and don’t worry about anything else because they can’t worry about anything else.

But they’re labeled as thugs, miscreants, etcetera, etcetera…
but they only care for you as much as you care for them..

The only time you even think of us is when you or someone you love is walking down a dark alley, where no cops are around…

Why should we care about you? About what you stand for? About who you have at home? Fuck you. Fuck this.

There’s only one thing that keeps people going, and that’s their personal pursuit of happiness…whether its money or murder. People who give a lot, not to give to others, but to feel better about themselves—to better their egos…the same reason why people take a lot.

We’re not too different after all.

Editor's Note: New Pick of the Week

The new Pick of the Week feature will typically include pieces written from Sunday to Sunday, instead of Thursday to Thursday. Only this time, because of the change, will it be from Thursday to Sunday.

Let's get serious..

For those of you that know me, you know my life is an open book. I've always put my life out there and I don't hide anything because I don't feel I need to.
However I have never put my family life out there. Its a very sensitive topic but I have a lot to say that can maybe and hopefully help a lot of people out there.


About a little more than a year ago my sister was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (known as MS) .
MS is a cronic and sometimes disabling disease that attacks the central nervous system which is made up of the optic nerves, spinal cord and the brain. The cause of MS has yet to be determined. Most say it's an Immune system disease. The bodys own defense system attacks the myelin (the subtance that surrounds and protects the nerve fibers in the central nervous system). When any part of the myelin is damaged or destroyed the nerve signals going and coming from and to the brain and spinal cord are disturbed or interrupted which causes the symptoms of MS.

There are three stages of MS the early stages, moderate and severe. Severe causing paralysis and blindness.

The symptoms and causes of MS range differently in people. Some get it early on and quickly and some don't get any symptoms at all for a long time since being diagnosed. Some signs of MS can be dizziness, numbness, not being able to stand or walk without being in a great deal of pain.

My sister found out because she said her arm was numb and at times she wasn't getting any feeling in her right arm. One morning she could barely stand and my mom had to rush her to the hospital. They ran some test and did an MRI and which showed spots on her brain. Luckily she was early on in the stages of MS and with treatment she was able to slow down the symptoms and the process of MS getting to the level of severe.

People diagnosed with MS include TV show host Montell Williams (who is actually being diagnosed by the doctor that is diagnosing my sister), R&B singer Tamia, it's been said that Ozzy Osbourne was but then it turned out to be a false alarm even though he was getting the symptoms of MS, actor/comedian Richard Pryor and many more.

My sister was doing well in the beginning keeping up with her medication and daily shot. There are different treatments for MS and my sister was on Copaxone which is taken by injection. It basically acts as a myelin decoy blocking the myelin-damaging cells. However lately she has refused to take her medications. The doctor told her as long as she takes the medication the spots she already had won't go away but at least new ones won't form. Recently she went to the doctor for her check up and they found more spots on her brain since she refuses to take her medication.

Her excuse of not taking it isn't valuable either. She wants to party, drink. She doesn't get enough sleep at times she comes home in broad daylight changes clothes and goes to work. She is stressing her body and her brain which will just cause the symptoms to appear faster. Apparently she doesn't care one bit! The doctor himself told her he was surprised that she wasn't getting symptoms yet and to consider herself lucky. She wears heals everyday while some women with MS can't wear them at all and some can't even walk I. Their own but she keeps on taking this as a joke.

My mother constantly fights about her ordering the shots but she refuses. I feel bad for her but we can't force her to take the shots. Sometimes I believe she is still in denial. She tells my mom she is and feels fine. But MS can change rapidly from one day to another. I've heard of cases where some have woken up, not being able to move and get out of bed because they can't walk or feel their legs.

I don't know what goes on in her mind or why she doesn't want to take care of herself. It saddens me really but what can I do??! Her excuse is that she doesn't want to inject herself for the rest of her life but she doesn't understand the millions of people that have to inject themselves not only with MS but how about diabetes? They still go on to live a healthy happy life. (Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie, Nick Jonas from the pop group Jonas Brothers).

I don't understand a person who has a chance to live better why won't you take it? She sees all these girls in the doctors office that weren't as lucky as herself and already suffer on a pretty bad level with the symptoms of MS.

I just hope she doesn't wake up without being able to move or walk and then she will want to take care of herself. When it's too late. Hopefully she will wake up from her stupidity one day soon and start taking care of herself..

For her own good and well being because she is just hurting herself..

Re: Writing Prompt: Coming of Age

Sure life is short, but it is full of learning experiences or profound moments. If we look hard enough, we would be able to identify something that we learned or a profound moment probably everyday, so writing this, for me, is difficult because there are so many moments that I consider profound, and because I rarely do this.

I rarely include myself in my own stories. Already, I probably set a record for how many times I used the pronoun "I" in a story.

Everyone experiences a coming of age, or at least everyone should. A stage of maturity--an awakening.

If you're on the right path as far as your job, school work, or what have you, that coming of age might be actually growing into and accepting that role and realizing that you have to keep it up.

And if you were like me, that coming of age is realizing that you have to change your life around. That you can't keep on living the way that you're living and expect to be make it anywhere or even be successful at much of anything positively productive.

Luckily for me, I noticed that a change was needed, and was definitely pass due, at a young age--much younger than usual, I suppose. I always have had a firm grip on reality, but like millions of other struggling teens, it was hard to stare at reality in the face--painful even.

At 13 or 14-years-old, bad skin was synonymous with who I was. I was disturbed--aggravated, full of blemishes, like bad skin. But when your skin clears up, you feel brand new. For me, as my skin went through a metamorphosis, so did I as a person.

I was a bad kid, I'd be the first to tell you. I was involved in things and with people I shouldn't have been involved with. I've done things that most people would pray to forget about.

My actions were regrettable, but I don't regret them--let me explain. Everything deviant that you can imagine at that age, I probably did it--or came close to it, but I don't regret them, and I will try my hardest not to forget them because they keep me humble and are partially responsible for the man that I've become.

I needed those days, and I'm thankful that I woke up before it was too late. In addition to being a deviant young teen, I wasn't performing the way I should have in school--I barely got out of the eighth grade.

But I had a role model. A positive role model. A role model who was almost the exact opposite of me. I followed his every move and still learn from him to this day. I looked in the mirror--I stared at my face and I cried. I cried because I knew I wasn't shit.

I saw my role model excelling--exceeding expectations and I witnessed what a huge gap there was between what he was doing and what I was doing.

My brother was getting 90s in his classes, he was getting scholarship offers from the best, distinguished colleges and universities, he was well-spoken, and well-liked by everyone, including teachers, who because I went to the same schools as he did, had great expectations for me because he did so well. I was one of the biggest disappointments they had ever seen, the biggest compliment that I got from a teacher was from my eighth grade English teacher. She said that I was a hoodlum, but I had a heart of gold as she shook her head in disapproval.

I realized that my brother worked harder than anyone, and hard work demands a reward. I stepped it up in a major way. I was always smart, I just applied my intelligence to different things--I didn't have to change my aim, I had to change the target.

And so I did. I dropped friends and became committed. Along the way, I found people who have shaped my life in different ways and I've developed skills that will stay with me for as long as I live.

My work isn't done--there's always room for improvement, but I'm in a far better position because of the realization of my coming of age, by embracing that profound moment.

Expanding The "Parameters" of A Rap Battle: Did 50 Cent Go Too Far?

We've heard this story before...in anticipation for an upcoming project, we've seen 50 Cent go at other hip-hop artists to build hype and promotion.

But this situation is a little different. In "Mafia Music," one of his latest songs for his upcoming album, Deeper Than Rap, Rick Ross took a shot at 50 Cent regarding the fire that burnt down his multi-million dollar mansion on Long Island.

It was a short, four-bar shot in which he called 50 jealous and boasted about how he would love to take his son's mother (who resided in the house) shopping...you'll peep the irony later.

As you can probably imagine, 50 responded promptly with "Officer Ricky, Go Ahead Try Me." One the track, 50 Cent disses Ross about his past as a Correction Officer as well as his rhyming style and DJ Khaled.

50 also brought up how Rick Ross lives a lie by naming himself after the currently incarcerated "Freeway" Ricky Ross, who along with the CIA and Ronald Reagan created and used crack-cocaine to fund a war in Nicaragua--the Iran-Contra Scandal. If you don't know about it--please do your research.

On a side note, "50 Cent" is also named after a former convict, Kelvin Darnell Martin, who was a stick-up kid infamous for the robbery and murder of hustlers.

Back to music. Typically, what would happen next is a few radio interviews on nationally popular hip-hop shows, and they would go back-and-forth with songs until one of them waves the white flag. Hip-hop fans know that 50 Cent is veteran in beef on wax and he's not going to stop dissing his opponent (unless your Jadakiss.)

Going into the music battle, some speculated that this might have been the begginning of the end for 50 Cent's rap career because of Ross's affiliation with other popular hip-hop artists, especially in the south, and that if they combine their efforts, it could put 50 "Curtis Jackson" Cent away from mainstream radiowaves for good.

Rick Ross, whose birth name is William Roberts Jr., did an interview with radio host Angela Yee on Shade 45 (Sirius Satellite Radio.) Ross essentially called 50's response weak and gave him 48 hours to come back harder.

Within 48 hours, Jackson took the beef to a different level. First, on his website, 50 vowed to "fuck [Ross's] life up...for fun." He then flaunted some public records that he retrieved and warned Ross--saying that he (50) is very resourceful.


But that was just step one. The proof is in the pudding and 50 seems to be as resourceful as he claims. Within the next two days, he released a brief animated cartoon depicting Rick Ross as the cop and himself as the person in jail. Jackson took the liberty to diss Ross's mother and one his baby's mother.

But that was just step two. 50 continued his onslaught on Ross by flying his sons's mother (not the same one he dissed) out to New York for an interview, which essentially was the airing out of Ross's dirty laundry. 50 released video of the interview and then had the cameraperson follow them to Fifth Ave. in New York, where they went shopping.

In the video, Ross's baby's mother, Tia Kemp, verifies that William Roberts a.k.a. Rick Ross was a correctional officer, on top of a bunch of other details including his evident failures as a father.

Afterwards, 50 Cent took did an interview with Funkmaster Flex on Hot 97 in New York and explained it all.

Before 50 released the video, Rick Ross did an interview with Hot 97's Miss Info and said that he knew about his son's mother flying out to go see 50, and added that "Mafia Music" ended 50 Cent's career.

Finally, 50 is planning to put the final nail in Ross's career by publishing a book by Ross's baby mother, called Tia's Diary: Deeper Than Rap--ex[ect it in book stores in March--the same date Ross releases his highly anticipated album Deeper Than Rap.

We shouldn't expect this to be over--it's probably far from over--let's just hope that they keep it on wax.

NOTORIOUS BIG

^^BIG & I ON OUR ROMANTIC DATE LOL ^^

So I finally saw NOTORIOUS yesterday..
HUMMM..
In my opinion the movie was good. I felt that it was a little rushed as if they were just trying to get to the death part.

I also felt it was a little mixed up, of course the movie was based from the eyes of Ms. Wallace (BIG's mom) but there were a lot of important parts of Big's life that didn't come out in the movie.

Lil' Kim is upset about the way she was portrayed. I do believe they had love for each other, but his girlfriend at the time of his death was Tiffany (now known as rapper Charlie Baltimore, former member of Murder Inc.)

After his death, Lil' Kim constantly went on and on about how she was his girlfriend and he loved her. I think it was one of those things where you keep repeating something over and over because you want to end up believing it yourself because you know it's not true. LOL.

My question is why wasn't Tiffany portrayed in the movie? Yes the movie was based on his career NOT his life so maybe thats why. And they didn't wanna juggle back and fourth between women in the movie.

However, Tiffany was a major part in Big's life.

For example:

In the movie, there is a car accident scene. They make it seem as if the accident involved BIG and Lil' Cease, when in real life the accident involved BIG and Tiffany. That accident was a big part of his life especially because the reason the Life After Death album was stalled and then was released as a double album was because of that accident.

BIG was in the hospital for three months and there was nothing left to do but work on it and recover. He was told that he would never walk again and if he were to walk again, he may have a wheelchair or a walker. That accident was very much downplayed in the movie. To me that was a huge part of BIG and Life After Death coming out the way it did.

For some reason, all of that was left out of the movie. Maybe it’s because so few people recall Biggie and Tiffany's relationship. For those that didn't know about Tiffany because it has always been as if Lil' Kim was his main chick.. Tiffany was his real girlfriend.

If you haven't read the Faith Evans book Keep The Faith she talks about all of it and the accident as well.

He even bought Tiffany a car that at the time of his death Faith called her and told her she had to return it and Tiffany refused but eventually it was taken from her.
She even showed up at the funeral and is also in the "Get Money" video after Faith decided not to be in it because she thought the song was written about her after they separated.

So in my opinion, Tiffany should have been in the movie more than Lil' Kim was. However, Lil' Kim was coming up as an artist at that time so it makes sense of why they did it.

Other than his personal life, the movie was great. Especially the end..
The footage when they drove through Brooklyn and they turned a radio on and played "hypnotize" all of that was real. That was the actual footage from the funeral. I even remember when they showed it on the news that day.

Overall I give the movie a 7.
Only because not everyone was portrayed the way it should've been. However maybe in two or three years they will make another movie about his WHOLE life.

It's sad that he didn't even get a chance to see the release of his second album. Which was released two weeks after his death. We will never know how big he would've became.

Tupac had his chance--he had about 10 albums at the time of his death, while Big only had one. And making it to that level with just one album... I think that makes him great. NOT the greatest of all time...but great.

As for now, go get the Faith Evans book Keep The Faith and be on the lookout for Lil' Kim's book The Naked Truth, as well as her movie.

Editor's Note: A Few Things

Writers,

I hope all is well, I just want to update you on a few things.

1. Today is the SuperBowl, and even if you're not a fan of football (this is the biggest annual American sporting event) everyone, if not otherwise occupied, will be paying attention to the commercials. If you will be watching--post your favorite commercials from the game--I'm sure they'll be on the Internet in a matter of minutes.
   

2. More site advancements will be on the way, but as mentioned before, when operating through a third party, you have limits.


3. Finally, as also mentioned before, I will be posting writing opportunities from time to time--here are two found on www.craigslist.org

• Freelance fiction writers

• Bilingual (spanish & english) writing opportunity

Enjoy the game, or whatever else you might be indulged in.